Supporting your spouse and his dreams and goals is an interesting thing sometimes. You might not understand his interest, the process, or even why he thinks it’s important/worthwhile.
But take a look at yourself, your priorities. Are they sometimes a little odd or unique? Might your husband not understand your interests, the process of your goals, or why you think a particular activity is worth your time?
I’ve known since before we got married that Andrew loves cars and motorcycles, and basically anything with a motor and wheels, and that he knows quite a bit about them. But personally I know next to nothing related to that field. Until we started dating, the only things I noticed about a car were the color, the AC function, if the interior was comfortable/functional/attractive, and if the shape looked good or not (Corvette vs. PT Cruiser, but I didn’t know the names/couldn’t really identify those cars at the time).
After two years of marriage, one sport bike and three cars, we finally have a car that will hopefully last us a long time. However, it required us to take out an auto loan and that was kind of a difficult thing for me as I had never had any debt. But, this was a solid car and one that Andrew really, really liked and one he had researched and determined would be a good fit for our needs/wants. The loan payment would also be cheaper than we were paying in repairs every month on our last car.
This car has really been awesome. Not only is it solid, but it is basically everything that Andrew could want in a car that we could get for the price we paid – fast, easily-handled, efficient, sporty, boosted, and manual transmission. I was happy that we found something that suited our needs/wants so well.
As things need to be replaced on this car (the foglights most recently), Andrew really wants to continue to make improvements and make it even more of a dream car (minus the rear-wheel drive). Sometimes I wonder if a particular thing is necessary, or if we should be more “thrifty,” but in those cases I always have to weigh it against the fact that this is Andrew’s hobby and I want to support things that he is passionate about.
Not that every considered purchase is actually made, but I go into those discussions differently than I might if this wasn’t something he was so passionate about. My current hobbies require more time than money, but they might need monetary support later on. I would hope that Andrew and I could work something out so that I can pursue my passions without making it an issue for our relationship.
I know some people struggle to find balance between their hobbies and their relationships, and honestly I think that’s really sad because something that someone loves is competing with someone they love, and they are, for whatever reason, unable to resolve that conflict. This balance is part of relationships, and, like many things in relationships, needs to be worked on and talked about honestly and kindly. It can be worked out if each side is open with the other.
I’m super grateful that Andrew and I can be honest with each other and have these discussions and that we’ve found a balance. This has been and continues to be an interesting learning experience for me as a wife and I’m glad it’s been so positive.
Good luck to all you couples having these discussions – it’s a great day when you both feel heard and understood and the decisions made are both of yours.